I'm not even a big Tom Petty fan, but this song has been running through my mind all week. I tried distractions, staying busy, exercising, cooking for others with challenging times approaching, and still at 3:00 a.m., there is the thought, "So, what is this?" Having the chased by animals dreams like I had when first diagnosed, but instead of bears; it's bears one night and gorillas the next, go figure.
Was chatting with a pregnant friend this week and we are both in the same boat. I'm waiting for pathology report to come back and she's waiting for her "egg to hatch". Both are hoping for uneventful deliveries of both items. I called the endoscopy clinic to see if the report was in, and it is; so they transferred me to a charge nurse "who could go over the results with me." When she came on it was obvious she was reading the report as we spoke and she said that until the doctor who performed my colonoscopy has read it, they can't release any info. "Is she there to read it?" I asked. "No, she has left for the day." At 3:00?!?!? With a pathology report on her desk?!?!? "Can I get a hint? Are the words 'not cancer' in there? Will my oncologist have the report in time for our appt Monday MORNING?!?!?" Frustration factor was high.
So I did yard work, helped a neighbor girl get her bike chain unstuck and went to dinner with my boys and Aunt Mindy. Then I made the mistake of watching part of the Farrah Story. It was depressing and irritating - mostly that Jacklyn Smith has aged better than Kate Jackson... No, really, unlimited resources to travel the world after cures not available to most people. Designer clothes and first-class travel right after liver tumor ablation, sick as a dog (OK that is similar to everyone else's experience). The one thing it did RIGHT for me is I've decided the pity party is over. Today I do not have cancer, if this changes on another day I'll take the steps necessary to deal with it. For today, I'm healthy, I feel good and I can do what I need to be healthy, have fun with my boys and attend to the many tasks at hand.
I'll let you know when I know, as usual.
Peace and Blessings!
Michelle ;-P
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
That waking up in the night is horrible. I hope they have the report on monday. Good job remembering to live in the day and not the future :)
Post a Comment