It's Spring and that means Birds and Bees

Birds and bees? Who coined that phrase? We had some minor incidents lately that made me sense the need to have a "CHAT" with the boys was necessary. Where do you start? Well, we ended up starting in the middle because with one boy just 11 and one almost 14, the interests and development is in different time zones.

I started by going to my library for research on what was avaialble and ended up with 15 rather graphic book titles in my possession. My 11 yo was VERY selective in what he would carry out of the library and "needed a bag". After weeks of review and getting the pants scared off me a few times - "chicken parties," "Sexting," "Rainbow" games in middle schools. If you don't know what these are, google them. Our teens are more likely to catch an STD than get pregnant, many of which can cause infertility if not treated. And teens will be quiet about symptoms thinking we'll overreact that they are sexually active. Things have changed in big ways since our days.

After reviewing books, I have 3-5 to recommend by age ranges.
For ages 8-11 It's Perfectly Normal - Robie;
For 12-15 The Guy book: an owner's manual for teens (written like a car owners manual - 14yo found it amusing AND informative) he shared with me some of the amusing parts as convo starters, so that was a plus.

One fact that I read that has stuck with me is this. We think moms should talk to girls and dads should talk to boys. Speaking to the opposite sex parent about these issues gives them practice for when they talk to a potential mate about these delicate topics; and discussion is key before any further activity happens. So while that may be a plus or a minus, the figures are that boys who have discussions with their mothers are more likely to put off having sex than boys who only talk to their dads. I don't know what the dads are saying, but it seems mom has more effect here (as usual).

For parents, What Every 21st century Parent needs Know (from the author of From Diapers to Dating, and The Big Talk also good books recommended by a mom/teacher/counselor pal) - I like her format and writing style; The real truth about teens from hooking up to friends with benefits - written by an editor of Seventeen well-written, kind of scary but very factual. (I was shocked by some of the things in the current issue of Seventeen), realistic and timely, but still a wake up call for me.

For Moms with Boys - the Underground Guide to Teenage Sexuality; male writer guy perspective, good backgorund info. for us mom's who feel out of the loop.

For kids 15-20 SexSmart: 501 reasons to hold off on sex - good for those what "would you say/do if" opportunities. I also found the 5 Love Languages of Teenagers helpful because those languages change as the kids age and it make sense to reevaluate from time to time.

Hope you find my research helpful to share. I found a few books that weren't worth my time or energy and sent them back. I was looking for basic, easily presented information on both sexes without ramming convictions, morals or hang-ups that was presented respectfully and informatively to let the kids process information and open discussions. I also wanted books that tackled tough and uncomfortable issues - self-exploration, homosexuality, pornography, etc. I think all of these books do that on a variety of levels.

Initially, I hoped to scare the pants on my boys past he age of 25. Now I just want them to have accurate information and parents who have informed them to the best of our ability. I am hopeful that our example, willingness to teach, listen and love will make more of an impression than the media messages they are bombarded with in the world each day.

Peace and Blessings,
Michelle