5-23 This is the chain of events, thoughts, bad jokes and musings that followed my “routine colonoscopy” that wasn’t. We discovered a tumor in my sigmoid colon and started preparations to treat and remove it. I process difficult situations by writing and with humor and kept my support group apprised as follows. When email got too cumbersome, I converted to this blog with the most recent entries first. As I get closer to surgical date 6/4, the posts may temporaily be interrupted. I’ll get back to it when time and energy allow.
5-11 BRA Chix unite!
First and foremost - HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY one and all... appreciation is good, but it doesn't get the laundry done or the floors clean. I'm still taking the afternoon off!
Hey, the wedding is finally here! This week will be crazy on more than one count. Joe is changing schools next year and his visit/assessment is this week at Federal Way Public Academy. Next year will be crazy with kids at 2 schools again, what am I thinking? Work, kids, getting beautimous for the wedding, errands, etc. The house is going to be tossed for a while ;-)
Now for the crappy news.... literally, (warning: I deal with bad situations with bad jokes and puns. You were warned.) I had a colonoscopy Friday and there is a 4-5 cm mass in my sigmoid area (the bend in the end). The doc who performed the colonoscopy took biopsies and said it is "most likely malignant". They usually say "it doesn't look suspicious", so we are a little freaked. I have a CT scan Tuesday which will tell us much more about involvement, whether it is contained, we are looking for not metastised would be the good news here, etc. and what exactly is camping out in my rectum. I will have it removed the Tuesday after Memorial Day. (The weekend in Ocean Shores is ON - L, I NEED it more than ever! As a welcome distraction, if nothing else.)
So, prayers, support, warm, fuzzy thoughts, rosaries, incense, crass jokes about my ass, will get me (us) through this. I feel OK physically, anxious, scared, depressed, bad that this hits on the wedding week and yes, after much internal debate, I did tell Denise. My mom is FREAKING because her frame of reference is that her brother died of stomach cancer 8 weeks after his diagnosis in 2002, and she worked in a cancer center for 18 years where she only saw the REALLY sick folks. Not a good frame of reference either way. My dad is more like Dan. Wait and see what we have and how we can solve it. At least he's not on my front porch with his welding torch, so that's a good thing.
The biopsy should be back by 5/19 at the latest. Tumor is out on the 27th/28th whatever the Tuesday after MD is and the CT scan is Tuesday. My family is going with me for all both. Dan is OK with it in his usual way of let's wait and see what comes back on all tests before we start over reacting. Deal with what you know and don' t fret. Easy for him to say it's not his butt! But he is being supportive and taking care of me. Boys know I had a colo and sent some things to lab, but that's all they know for now.
If it turns out to be nothing or something easily removed, we'll be thrilled and it will kick me in the butt to change eating and exercise habits. Can I scratch 2008 as the year of crappy health scares and get on with it? I need to renew my warranty or do a trade in on two 20 year olds... not that Dan could afford nor would he know WHAT to do with them, but I'm sure he'd enjoy trying.
Let me know if you have questions, or if you think of questions I should ask Monday, that's good too. I'll be around Sunday afternoon. Taking Joe to a Cake concert Sunday evening.
Peace and Blessings,
Michelle
5/13 -Had CT scan today and learned something. Make a follow-up appt. w/ your doc as soon as you leave a test. It will put a STAT on your results. My next appt. is at 9:00 5/20 to go over all results, questions, etc. and see where we are. Which gives me a) a plan of action and b) a deadline and c) a reason to put it away for a while, enjoy my sister's wedding and deal with it on Tuesday. I'll give more info. when I have it.
Now I get to deal with insurance tomorrow... that requires a whole different set of cuss words...
The Serenity prayer is the prayer of the day - ACCEPT what I cannot change...
Peace and Blessings,
Michelle
5/15 - Still "cracking" jokes, must be a good sign.
First, the bad - the biopsy is positive. So the tumor in my butt is malignant, cancer, etc. OK, digest that, because it gets better quickly.
1) the blood test CEA to look for more tumors in my body came back normal - this is the only one and it most likely has not gone anywhere else - that's what that means.
2) I get the tumor out 5/27 and I'm going to ask for it in a ziploc bag so I can whack the h*** out of it with my shoe!
3) I have asked for no more results until my appointment on tuesday to review EVERYTHING.
4) Only you and Dan know the biopsy is positive. No family members will know until after the wedding Saturday or Tuesday. I've overshadowed my sister's day enough and this is my choice. All know about the blood test and were very releived to hear that.
5) The boys will be told Sunday afternoon that I'm having something removed after Memorial Day. If there is a necessity for further intervention (chemo/radiation), we will tell them then. They will know the whole situation after the fact.
6) If you have not yet done so, pay attention to your bowel habits and get any change thoroughly checked out. The prep for a colonoscopy is nothing compared to the stress of this week - not knowing. The colonoscopy procedure was no big deal and the CT scan was no big deal.
7) Farrah Fawcett has colon cancer - and is still kicking it in the scandal sheets. Not the first thing I want to have in common, but hey.
8) I have a really bad sore throat today - unrelated to all else - so phone is not a good idea if I want to be able to toast my sister. I can croak and listen. Email is better.
Still waiting for those good butt cracks...
5-19 email to Bunko group.
I'm sure the gossip lines have been buzzing, so I'll clue you all in on the facts. I don't have Suzanne's current email, so if I've skipped anyone and/or someone can forward to her, I would appreciate it. Take a deep breath and get your drink of choice, I'll tell it fast like a bandaid and it won't hurt long.
The friday before Mother's Day, I went in for a colonoscopy after some unusual bowel symptoms. The scope revealed the problem is a 4-5 cm malignant tumor in the sigmoid area of my large intestine. I am scheduled for surgery to remove it 5/27. We have had a CT scan to see if any other organs are involved and will go over those results with my gastroenterologist tomorrow. On Thursday, I meet with the oncologist for a second look at all results to make sure we are on the right track. The blood test looking for other cancer cells came back normal, so we THINK we caught this early enough to be able to confidently say all will be well. I will know more later this week and after surgery. Radiation and chemo have not been mentioned at this point. The boys, including Dan, are doing well. I change moods from minute to minute.
Now for the good news, my family was able to set this development aside and celebrate a great wedding in fabulous weather Saturday for my sister. Glad it is over, but it was good to have the happy diversion last week while waiting for all test results. I'm not making any social commitments, including BUNKO, until I know further what my diagnosis/ prognosis is. I'm on medical leave from work through the end of May (and beyond as long as I need to be off).
Prayers are appreciated. Questions will be answered as time/mood allows - as detailed as you are comfortable with. We need to be made aware of what is not normal, so we can properly seek care. The first thing I need to do is get over the cold I've picked up so we can complete the surgery ASAP.
Peace and Blessings,
Michelle
5/19 1) The cold is on the way out.
2) The CT scan shows no other organs are affected and no other lymph nodes are affected!!!
3) The appt on 5/27 is only a consult with the surgeon?!. I am working on getting the actual surgery to get it OUTTA THERE arranged this afternoon. If my mom's doc on Thrusday can get me in with his guy, I may do that. Still depends on the status of my cold. Most likely a small section of my colon 5-7cm will be removed and reattached eliminating the hairpin turn near the end. I need to confirm with surgeon on 5/27 - still no idea on nature of surgery, in vs. out pt., etc.
4) We are all very relieved and I am eating well, taking echinacea and vitamins to be strong for whatever comes next. Plan to take a nap as soon as the boys are home; I didn't sleep well last night.
5) Many thanks for all prayers and positive energy from all divine sources
6) Purchase your favorite beverage of choice and we will open and have a virtual party when I get clean bill of health.
St. C - I'll bring the champagne... Lucy will bring the OJ!
Joke of the day - I may have already shared, if so, ignore - If you have part of your colon removed, do you then have a semi-colon? <<>>
Peace and Blessings,
Michelle ;-P
5/22 - Met with oncologist and we are going to be doing a LOT of tests to make sure no other cells are hiding - MRI, PET CT Scan, genetic test to see if this is enviro/gene, etc. Surgery is tentatively 6/4 - may move earlier by a day if possible. The surgeon is CUTE, and surgery will be at Northwest Hosptial (unless Auburn can get me in sooner). Please do not press to visit at Northwest, I will be there 3-5 days (I may change my mind by Day 4) and need time to heal. I will be home-bound and on liquid diet for the next week or two after that. You know what I know at this point.
Priorities for May/June:
1) Keep the boys lives as normal as possible.
2) Get this puppy outta here and get/keep me healthy.
3) Find out if next steps are necessary.
4) Heal, laugh, love, show gratitude, pray, LIVE!
I have had numerous offers for help with "Whatever". I will let you know if when and how you can help in the coming weeks, as soon as I know; it will probably be APB email requests and first responder gets it. If you have something you particularly like to do - clean bathrooms, laundry, give manicures or facials, entertain boys, p/u from school, grocery runs, etc., let me know and I'll put you on the list for your duty of choice.
I think we will be OK for meals. If you are making something that can be frozen and want to make 2, so be it. We are going to be moving slowly toward vegetarian cooking in the coming months and Dan gains peace from cooking, so boy foods would be the best - lasagna, pasta, tater tot pie, things we shouldn't eat but the younger set loves (sneak in some healthy stuff they won't detect.)
Peace and Blessings,
Michelle
5/22 - Dan's having a rough time with this today. I was filling him in on the course of the day and when I said, the boys know I have cancer, but I'm OK so far, he crumpled, he'll get back to being objective soon, but I think he just "hit the wall of reality." We both did. He was fine until I said it out loud.
He's busy editing wedding photos and we'll watch a comedy show tonight. He took about 500 shots and plans to have them posted by the weekend or early next week.
Peace and Blessings,
Michelle
5/23 – Brain MRI today at 3:45. I’m sure they will find one, a brain. We are looking to make sure no rebel cells are camping out in my gray matter. Should be an hour of fun and feeling like I’m whacking around in a really noisy washing machine. Denise gave me a good tip – ask for a towel to cover your face and you won’t see anything to trigger claustrophobia. Glad I have tropic Australian beaches to recall in my imagination, I’ll just imagine a large helicopter is hovering nearby, launching nekkid skydivers… and the bar is serving my beverage of choice… a vivid imagination is a terrible thing to waste/mind.
5/24 – 5/25 ESCAPE TO OCEAN SHORES with Lucy to rest, relax, get massages, get dolled up and go to the casino to blow $40 in 30 minutes, throw rocks at seagulls, fly a kite, eat too much salt water taffy and fudge, the usual…
Escape recap… we relaxed, walked on the beach, shopped a little, gambled a little, ate too much and ended up ahead in our winnings. On Sunday morning, we played the slots after breakfast and started out with $40. I ended up cashing out at $122 and when Lucy was down to $4, we put her ticket in my machine and got her back up to $48 in about 8 spins! Made us laugh like a couple of lunatics, and we were sober! We quit while we were ahead and spent some on saltwater taffy to bring home. The plus side is I didn’t wallow in health thoughts very often all weekend, but I did have a very symbolic dream.
Dream: I was looking out in our back yard from the living room. Noticed two rabbits in the back lawn. When I glanced toward the fence, I saw a black bear skulking around. He picked up a Virgin Mary statue and shattered it with his paws. I was shooting photos of him in the back yard with Nick nearby. I knew Joe and Dan were in the house somewhere and called for them to come see the bear. Dan came and brought a broom. Joe was nowhere to be found. We moved to the bedroom window and continued to watch as he climbed up the deck and into our house. He trashed our home and Nick and I escaped out the garage to call 911 from a neighbor’s home. The 911 dispatcher laughed at me. When I told him this was serious and gave him our address. Then I called home and Joe answered, he had been reading in his room all the time and didn’t even know there was a bear in the house. Situation normal…
Interpretation: Bear is the cancer (the good news is black bears rarely attack), Virgin Mary is faith (our faith will be tested), photos are tests and scans, 911 is doctors, but I can’t figure out if the rabbits are the boys or my parents or what – the bear completely ignored them. I also can’t figure out Dan with the broom… he hasn’t swept anything for years…
5/26 – Denise and Doug are back to sort through the wedding stuff in my basement, shuffle their gifts home and begin married life, arguing about which wedding gift is too ugly to see the light of day (and I’ll probably get it re-gifted for Xmas 08…) ;-P They had a great time in the San Juans, found two great bed and breakfasts, went whale watching, kayaking, ate too well and that’s all I asked… I don’t go there.
Went to breakfast with the group of gals I call my BRA Chix… we even posed in my bras outside our clothing for a photo to take with me to surgery. The things my pals won’t do for me! With their permission, I’ll post the photo with no names ;-P
<--(Coff's Harbor, QLD, Aus)
You were right, these are a good distraction and put new images in my imagination for later recall. Another one of those round to it things I hadn't yet made it to. Plus, looking forward to times when reviewing photos is all we have to talk about!
