Check out the cover... not Vogue or anything stylish.

http://www.nwhospital.org

Scroll down 1/2 page to the right and see if you recognize the BRA chick in the lavender jacket...

I'm the cover story for the NW Hospital Med Info magazine. It's never a for sure thing until it is published, so I kept it quiet for a while. Take a peek. I'm getting a few issues for "posterity". Yuk!

This should be the final wrap on all things cancerous/surgical/recovery for me, except keeping others in prayers for their own adventures.

Peace and Blessings,
Michelle

Running at normal chaotic speed

Well, life is as much back to normal as it is going to get - boys running to concurrent events in separate parts of the city, mom trying to squeeze some work in and the housework going to pot as usual during the summer. Sounds like nothing's changed at Chez Meeker. Appt with my PCP the naturopath yesterday and we scheduled a session with a nutritionist in August. So that should help me figurer out a plan for the future that won't tax my system. I've been erring on the side of excess caution. Oncologist put me on calcium, low dose aspirin daily and vitamin D, specifically for colon health because I have no more tubing to spare. I'm assembling the associated costs of having colon cancer just because I find it astounding what medical procedures cost and think others would too. So, when I get the final bills in, I will post. Just getting the pre-diagnostics in now from early May.

N's had a busy week of 3 hours of tennis camp daily with 2 pals, J has been helping with Vacation Bible School as a crew leader (kid wrangler) and comes home pooped. We've been baking for a Friday night church fund-raiser carnival cake walk and we're in high 80-90 degree weather. This weekend N goes to NW Trek for an overnight event and he's pumped!

Glad to be out of constant dr. appts., no need for a wheelchair and released for normal activity. Now how do I catch up on the two months that slipped by while I was otherwise occupied?! My doc yesterday asked, "But how are you doing mentally with all of the last two months you've dealt with?" Hmmm, let's just move forward and leave it in the past. Over and onward. Can't believe summer is 1/2 over and if I ask the boys, we "haven't done anything".

Hope all is well in your side of the pond and the tadpoles are hopping!
Peace and Blessings
Michelle ;-P

Discharged from oncolcogist for 1 year!

Last doc appts. with surgeon and oncologist yesterday. Surgeon - back to full activity as of next week and no dietary restrictions; "there are some things you might find good to stay away from popcorn, granola, etc. but have what appeals to you and see how it goes." Ohhh-kay. Easy for you to say.
Oncologist, nothing conclusive on the pathology reports on my tumor. They still won't give it to me to whack with a shoe. Scheduled my next CT scan for May 11, 2009 to check back on things. Which means every Monday in May 2009 will be a procedure day, colon scope, blood draws, CT scan and appt to recap all of the above. Yeehaw! I'd better also plan a good reward weekend for Memorial Day 2009 then, I think.
Worked a bit with the boys in tow, Diane took them to see Wall-E during my doc appts. It was a hit, both liked it.

Hope I find the energy to resume full activity soon. Just figuring out what needs to be done after taking a month off to recover is daunting. Then the trip on top of it all set me back further. The calendar just seems to fill up on its own and the have tos just keep piling up. Work piles are unnerving, laundry piles are annoying, the boys' rooms and bathrooms are disasters, I still have wedding stuff piled in my basement just from the stuff we packed in for the day. Anyone have a bulldozer and dynamite handy? I'm at the point where I need help, but I don't know what kind or where to get it or what to do about it. I don't have the energy to attack it or think about it yet. Just frustrated with my lack of focus and energy level. Guess mom is going to have to call in the calvary next week or two to catch up. Thanks for letting me vent off - now I need to crack some boys heads to get going around here.

Peace and Blessings,
Michelle ;-P

Late Night/Early Morning Brain Activity

Too many brain farts to sleep. I keep thinking of things I need to do, pack, complete, get, etc. and today is my sister, Denise's b-day (she is 30-teen too!). News about Ian, his bone marrow treatment is going well, "clearing" is the official term and he's having some trouble with nausea from the chemo but doing well overall. Any good news is welcome when the bad news was initially so devastating.

Well, Wednesday night after getting the all clear for liquor - I overdid with a 1/2 bottle of reisling. Spoke to a few people and have very little recollection of the evening, but I was still wearing my knickers in the a.m., so it couldn't have gotten too racy as I didn't leave the house. Slept REALLY well that night too and no hangover?! Might be onto something here. The packing is wrapping up and the boys are getting wound tighter than springs to escape the usual boring summer at home and actually DO SOMETHING!

I've been spending a few days trying to put my finger on what this whole experience has changed about me or taught me over the last two months. I'm not sure I have it exactly, but it's making me be really present and focused on what I am doing and why and how it affects me and those around me. I'm listening more, explaining my feelings and requests to the boys and letting them know how their actions affect those around them. I'm finding perceptions in the weirdest places and realizing that EVERYONE we encounter in a day has their own "cancer scare" going on in their life and we need to be more patient, honest, compassionate and trust each other more. I'm also learning I can ask for help and extra time and the world won't crash to a halt.

Spending some time in a wheelchair for errands at Fred Meyer and on our trip through airports will give and have given me new perspectives on life from that angle. Reaching desired items in a store is infuriating while seated. Waiting for people to acknowledge that they are in your way requires saintly patience and most people look through you without acknowledgment. A great learning experience for me and the boys as well. Hope it will change our responses in the future when this episode is a distant memory.

By the time we return from this trip I should be fair to middling and gaining ground in endurance, exercise aspirations, meet with a nutritionist to get ideas on what changes I need to make to accommodate a reduced intestinal processing system and get back to work. An ambitious week that tires me out now just looking at it.
Have a safe and festive 4th with rest and relaxation with your leisure activity of choice.
Peace and Blessings ;-P
Michelle

Set your pace, it's not a race...

Had a busy weekend, a minor setback Saturday night and I'm sticking to an easy pace now. Drove the boys to school this morning and got up at normal time... now it's time for another nap. Found a note from my days in the hospital when I was w/o computer with a coherent joke... What do you call a compulsive emailer/blogger with no computer access? Textually frustrated ;-P Ba da bing! And that was even on pain meds.

The BRA chix are mobilized and have a plan to take care of Joanne's family - we are good on a regular day, but when we are really in the zone, WE ROCK! All I'm doing is errands and laundry for the next two weeks, then after we return from South Dakota, I'll be up for more serious duty. Ian is enjoying the play room, library and other amenities at Mary Bridge and taking in his chemo. Parents weathered the first weekend of duty swapping well, we got their freezer stocked with food, lawn mowed and support persons alerted and scheduled.

Planned to go in to work one day this week, but it may have to wait until Saturday when someone else can transport and I only have to use the brain while I am there. I'm a one-trick pony these days, either drive or complete a task, not both. People keep telling me to pace myself and I felt great Saturday and over extended - walked 1.5 miles with Joe, baked, tried to get by with no naps to improve night sleep - and it backfired big time. Panic attack at 3 a.m., confused pain meds., insomnia, pain - not a good mix. I slept all of 3 hours and then went to church - which was actually the best thing for me. I got energized just being in my faith community, lots of love for me and our family in that building. We are blessed!

I'm not on the computer with photo access, so the Australia photos will continue tomorrow.
Peace and blessings!
Michelle ;-P

Thursday doc recap in a little more detail...

http://www.babycenter.com/0_cord-blood-banking-an-overview_1362261.bc
Information about cord blood donation - forward to anyone you know who is pregnant or making efforts to get that way.

This week is a good news/bad news: Pal Ian is having bone marrow draw Friday morning. Seventh circle of hell for his parents and more of that infernal waiting for results. PRAY! I will not complain about pain today in honor of Ian. I wish I could drink Bailey's in honor of Joanne. Later...

Had the idea of researching cord blood donation and it looks like it has made great progress since I looked into it when pregnant with Nick. At that time, there was no way to donate the cord blood and the placenta was "medical waste"; unless of course, you wished to pay a private company $400/yr to store it for your private use. If Ian ends up needing bone marrow transplant it looks like this is the new trend instead of finding cooperative matching live donors. Less invasive, less costly and less chance of rejection. Interesting how something we have always wasted can be recycled.

The status of my doc visits yesterday is "it's all good". Surgeon removed 12" of my large intestine including some areas of diverticulitis and 27 lymph nodes, good margins to check for other spread of cancer. All came back negative. Healing is going well, I will be able to resume most all activities, exercise, even work in mid-July. Except housework - vacuuming, hauling heavy objects - that needs to wait 8-10 weeks. Darn. I had a long list of questions for the surgeon and he went down the list answering each one fully and completely, even with humor on some. He was THRILLED the pathology news was so good and seemed proud of his work on my abdomen. I'm thrilled even with the scars, and may even proudly wear my bikini from Australia this summer... in the privacy of my own back yard ;-P

The oncologist doesn't have all of the pathology tests back yet, so I need to go back in mid-July for those. The ones he has back look good, it was a Stage 1 T2 tumor and he's checking to see if it has an 18Qminus marker as well as if it is diploid or anuloid. HUH? The tumor had grown into but not through the muscle wall and was contained from spreading to lymph nodes. The other tests will show if it is genetic mutation and if it was a rapid or slow growing cancer. The thought of both docs is that it could have been there from 3-10 years before starting to show symptoms. Since some people NEVER show symptoms, I was actually lucky. Recurrence rate based on those results put me in about 10% chance of recurrence within 5 years. I will have to have annual blood tests, CT scan and after 5 years will be considered cured with no recurrence. Should be a piece of cake if I follow through on my plans to make me a more hostile host to cancer cells - the old diet and exercise game.

I finally feel like I can breathe again. Sleep is a bit elusive - note the time of this post - but will get back to normal. I feel I need to find a purpose for why this occurred and what I'm supposed to do about it. For now, that is support Joanne and her family while they help Ian.

Getting the whole family in on that act. My dad was sent to Archie McPhee's last week to collect stuff 8yo boy appropriate - who better for the job. The only place in town to get propeller beanies, chicken catapults and other wacky stuff. Mom and I spent Monday separating items into mailable boxes and apparently, he has already received 3 - way to go, TEAM PHENICIE!

Looking forward to celebrating with my faith community on Sunday! It's been a rapid and bumpy ride, but seems to be smoothing to a dull roar now! AMEN!

Feeling lots of PEACE and many BLESSINGS!
Michelle ;-P

Check up with surgeon and oncologist today

Surgeon/Moore: All looks good, I can drive next week. No hot tubs, swimming or bathing for a month; but I can shower, so no need to stand upwind.

Oncologist/Dong: No chemo necessary, come back in 1 month for more pathology results. Run blood tests and CT scans annually and to check for any recurrence (less than 10% chance), after 5 years of clear checkups I'm cured. No more lab/blood work necessary for either doc.

Good, because they stuck me 3 times and I was not cooperative. Didn't get enough blood to run a chem panel, but enough to do a blood count. Probably due to being tired and dehydrated from being up all day. I should sleep well tonight. Didn't sleep until 4 a.m. last night.

Tired, going to bed at 7, and will update the blog in the a.m. Just getting the basics out to the masses tonight. It's been a LONG day... ;-P

Is it Wednesday already?

American Cancer Society Information about Colo-Rectal Cancer:
http://acs.p.delivery.net/m/p/acs/email/preview.asp?cid=12766623636&pid=724&mid=1099756672&msf=H

This seems like a long link, but I have been looking for a quick link for colon cancer information and POOF! This morning it appeared in my email box. I'm having a hard day, more pain waiting for that first... evacuation of the system and I'm a little tense. Those of you who have given birth know the feeling. "Whew, glad that's over. What? You mean I have to poop before I can go home?! Yea right, those muscles are in Tahiti right now and don't wish to be disturbed." Anyway, same general feeling, different situation.

Yesterday was busy and I may have overdone it. Dan was my babysitter on a flex-day from work and we made 2 lasagnes and delivered to Jenny (of the two kids having tonsilectomies BRA Chix). She greeted me at the door with "Aren't we supposed to be bringing YOU food?!" It was a good outing and good to get out of the house, but for some reason my Tylenol PMs did not work to let me sleep last night, so I'll be catching up today. Tomorrow is full of Dr. appts and I'll be in Seattle all day. I may have Joe type the update when I get home and dictate from the couch. Sounds like a plan.

Questions about services at St. C
1) Attire - come as you are - Bra Chix, let's leave the bras INSIDE the clothing for formality sake... we can take a photo out of doors afterwards if the spirit moves us.
2) Bring - yourself, any family, and a celebratory spirit. If you really must bring something make it a non-perishable food item for the food bank. We've noticed they have no cookies, something Dan set out to change yesterday. Peanut butter, tuna, soups, chili, etc. are always in high demand.
3) How formal is the service? Formal? St. C.? Not at all. We give it a good attempt at Easter and Christmas or if the Bishop visits, but flexibility and openness is what clinched it for us. We have a 3 yo Mason who wanders throughout the whole church sitting on various laps of his fans, it is a very open layout and relaxed, no kneelers, no pews, comfortable chairs. Try it, it will be a good fit.
4) Do we have to commit an offering? Not required. If you feel moved to, that is between you and God.
5) How long do you plan to party? I plan to be home for a nap by 12-12:30 at the latest and will be pooped from just getting dressed, getting there and participating.

Peace and Blessings, my first nap of the day is calling...
Michelle ;-P

It was STAGE 1 !!! GOOD NEWS !!!

Phone call today from surgeon at 12 p.m. says the pathology shows the cancer was in stage 1 which means contained in the tumor/tissue which was removed from my large intestine. Very likely no chemotherapy or radiation will be necessary. We go to oncologist appt. Thursday to cross t's and dot i's, but that should be the end of this adventure.

I have spent most of the day on the phone, emailing and texting the news to anyone and everyone. Feeling more relaxed now, that I can let out the breath I have been holding to see what comes next.

Mom was here when I received the call and she is visibly relieved. It has been a heck of a last 30 days for my family as well. The boys were glad to hear the news but no real reaction. Everyone else has been very excited and relieved after I explain what exactly that means.

So, as promised, there will be champagne, mimosas and cake after the 10:00 Mass at St. Columba's Episcopal Church this weekend. All are welcome and the mood will be festive, we won't tell your deity of choice, if you wish to join in the celebratory atmosphere. St. Columba's is located at 26715 Military Road S., Kent, WA 98032 (253) 854-9912. No need to RSVP or let us know you plan to attend, just be there! Mass starts at 10 and we adjourn to the reception room for refreshments about 11:30-11:45.

We'd love to see you Sunday and celebrate the blessings of friends,
family, good health, living in a country with access to excellent health care
and all the wonderful things life entails! This will be a celebration of life and a
celebration for all who supported us during this time of challenge.

Feeling a little weak, a little pain, but VERY, VERY blessed today!
Peace and blessings!
Michelle ;-P

HAPPY LUCKY 13 JOE!

Can you believe it has only been 30 days since the colonoscopy? We've travelled so many places in that time. Thanks for every warm thought, supportive gesture and act of faith. I'm doing well, thanks. The pain level reminds me of PMS cramps and will be a distant memory in a few weeks. We find out Thursday if any further medical intervention is necessary like chemo or radiation. I'm continuing the positive thoughts and hoping to hear "we got it all". THAT would be cause for celebration. We have fellowship after every 10:00 service at St. Columba and all are welcome. When we're hosting a "Michelle's all clear" event, you will be invited. We won't tell your deity of choice (or your parents) you attended an Episcopal service and you may just like it enough to stay! ;-P

The events of the past month have taught me many things and have changed forever my response to hearing bad medical news about anyone. I always felt like I should leave people alone during medical issues, now I know that the distraction of an email or phone call puts worries away for a few minute and ARE welcome. Phone calls to let them know what's going on with your own kids are a GOOD distraction, especially if they are amusing. We tend to feel like we shouldn't bother those who are ill and I now know that those distractions kept me sane and reminded me that I was not alone in my shock about the situation.

Even when you didn't know what to say, just agreeing that this situation sucks and you were sorry it was happening was enough. Most of all, it has caused me to realize that every person I encounter may have something like this going on in their life at any given time and I need to cut people some slack. I also learned that you get much better medical care being kind, gracious and amusing than being bitchy. The medical professionals are doing jobs I would not do for any wage and are not appreciated, something Denise reminded me about police officers recently. An attitude of gratitude is on our family list for how to cope for this month and I'm trying to make it a continuing habit.

THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY FUZZY SLIPPERS
TO THE TOP OF MY FRIZZY HAIR!!! ;-P

Today is Joe's 13th b-day and if you told me last year what this year had in store... I would have never believed you. We'll measure him this evening at dinner and see if he hits the 6' mark.

A prayer request - we have done so well on the prayers and I've had more than my fair share dedicated to me. Please shift that effort and focus to Ian. He is the son of my BRA chick, JoAnne and he's going to the oncologist on Thursday too to find out why he has compression fractures in his spine causing him great pain. If only one of us can get good news that day, I'm hoping it's Ian and his family. This would be so much worse happening to a child. I can handle whatever comes next. Pray for a relief for his pain, good care for his condition, courage and strength for his family and God to wrap them in His strong arms, care for them and give them grace to deal with the next steps to help Ian.

Peace, love, blessings and positive energy...
Michelle ;-P

Home Again and in my Own Bed!

I'm home... It's 5:00 Saturday and I arrived here about 3 p.m. My parents chauffeured me home and Dan and the boys had the pizza boxes and empty pop cans all cleaned up. Actually, the place is spotless and germ-free - they had a housekeeper come do a bang-up job. Here's a recap of what has happened since Wednesday.

Wednesday 6/4 - Surgery day. Dan and I dropped the boys at school, he dropped me off with Ms. Hayes my newlywed sister and she drove me to Seattle. I was weak and zoned out most of the drive. We checked in at 10:00 and I was never so glad to get an IV. Met the surgeon and Anesthesiologist (photo will be posted tomorrow), rolled into surgery at 12:30. Surgery was completed by 3:30 p.m. 12 inches of my colon was removed and resectioned, the tumor and all damaged tissue was sent to pathology, the my appendix was also removed. The appendix should lie down in the pelvic area, mine was up near my liver and would have been serious if I ever had appendicitis mostly because ER crew might not have looked for it there. So it was removed as a precautionary step - added 5 minutes to the procedure.

I was in recovery and spoke to the boys at 4:30 to tell them all was well. Family left about 9:00 and I went to sleep. At 10:30, I was awakened with the sensation of no feeling in my legs. I could move my toes, but numb from buttocks to ankles from the epidural delivering my pain meds. Asked for an anesthesia consult and finally got one at 2:30 a.m. My main reason for panic was that my paternal grandfather was a paraplegic from a bad epidural. So there was understandable panic. Removed epidural the next day at 12 and legs were back to normal in 5 minutes. Didn't sleep much the first night.

Thursday - Second day passed some gas and got only ice chips, slept A LOT in the afternoon and evening. Boys and Dan visited Thursday night for about 1/2 hour just to reassure them that Mom was fine.

Friday - got out and walked around today, took a shower, ate some liquid diet (green jello), I may get out of here Saturday.

Saturday - EGGS for breakfast, baked potato for lunch and watched Pretty Woman until discharged at 2:00 p.m.

The oncology/surgery ward at Northwest in fairly small and the surgeon would make me his last stop for the night before taking off - hitting his star patient last. We'd shoot the breeze and check all the vitals and assess what I needed to do tomorrow to be out Saturday. I realized Friday that only 3 of us on the floor were ambulatory and heading toward discharge, the rest were very ill folks. I haven't been able to pray for myself, but found it easy to pray for others I saw there. Besides, I knew how many were praying on my behalf, and how much it helped us.

The BRA chicks visited late Friday night, Aunt Pam and Uncle Rick Friday evening and Mom and Dad daily - MANY THANKS, I had ample time to rest and recuperate. Mom got the fun jobs like helping me shower and dress.

Many thanks to all who pitched in while I was away - the boys look none the worse for wear and Dan is a bit ragged but did well on his own. I'll be on a "toddler diet" for several weeks, no driving while I'm on pain meds, no housework for a month and only light exercise. There are more foods that I CAN have than those I cannot - no high fiber, raw veggies, nuts, popcorn, etc. lots of soft/mild digested food. Officially, a mechanical soft food diet.

More insightful musings tomorrow in retrospect of this whole adventure...
Peace and blessings,
Michelle

TUESDAY - this time tomorrow I'll be heavily medicated

Wow, it's Tuesday. Scary, anxious, nervous, wondering what I have forgotten to do... to pass the time and keep my mind of my delectable liquid diet, I've been doing laundry and sorting my underwear drawers. Hey, it's something we never do and it's mindless. Finally got rid of some of those creepies and the ones that you always bury at the bottom of the drawer and only wear on laundry day.
And now, a word to my tumor - you, yes, you, I know you are there and your time is limited. When you are evicted, take any and all of your friends with you. I don't want to see, hear or feel any residual effects from you ever again. I am going to make several healthy changes to make my body a less susceptible host for you. You stay away from my friends, my family and my kids. You have taken enough from us already and I'm through with you. I have in the past and will continue to contribute to research to eliminate you. In the past I sent $ and participated in walks as an insurance policy thinking, "If I walk, write a check, etc., I'll never have to deal with cancer first-hand." So much for that plan.
Yesterday, I was in a funk of what if's I don't even want to enumerate. I had to keep telling myself 95% of what you worry about never happens; it's the 5% you never even think of that blows you out of the water. The positive, strong armored exterior is slipping a bit. It's time to trust someone else to make it right, and I have a hard time relinquishing control and not knowing what comes next. This is the trial of faith. It's still there but there are certain parts of certain prayers I'm struggling with "thy will", "now and at the hour..."
Joe shared at church that he would prefer I not have surgery. Some people were really concerned about this and alerted me. We had a chat about the ramifications of having and not having surgery. What he meant is that he wishes there was an easier way to get rid of this for me - like cutting a really big fart. Me too!
I also had a chat with Nick last night. He seems to be distancing himself from us and I was concerned. His main point was "you'll be closer and not gone as long as when you went to Australia, but I won't get any cool gifts when you get back." True. Just a wiped-out mom for a few weeks.
Dan is harder. We'll chat tonight and tomorrow. He sees me as strong and independent and gets flustered when that image conflicts with his reality. But there are some things that have to be covered, just in case.
OK, back to business. Off to get a relaxation massage and then home to begin pre-surgical processes. Enjoy chewable solid food on my behalf, but don't tell me about it... one more cup of chicken broth and I'll cluck.
Peace, blessings and pray that we hear "we got it all".
Michelle ;-P

What has no carbs and no sugar? My diet today.

In preparation for tomorrow's PET scan I need to have no carbs and no sugar today until midnight and then only water after midnight. When I hung up and thought about it... what can I eat that has no carbs and no sugar? Air? Water? Ice? Turns out meat, sugar-free jello, tea, water, spices... guess we are having steak and jello with iced tea for dinner. This is the last test before surgery, last day of work for a month, and time to get an easy-care haircut. Mohawk, anyone?

So a PETscan is a process where you are injected with an isotope solution and it "lights up" any cancer cells in your body. We are hoping for only one lightbulb; not a Christmas tree effect. Every test so far has confirmed that the intestinal tumor is the only one. Let's keep that luck rolling!

Peace and blessings,
Michelle ;-P

I have a brain! and I'm not the scarecrow

Last post for today - I promise, but I have some good news after yesterday's fiasco. The MRI's we completed on boobs and brain show only the things that ARE SUPPOSED to be there, no cancer cells! I was just glad they were able to verify a brain in there - at times over the years, I know my dad has wondered. Still having the head to toe scan Friday a.m. and then Monday and Tuesday it's surgical prep (you don't want to know what that en"tails" - big enough hint?) then Wednesday it's off to see the Wizard, but no flying monkeys... they were yesterday.

Peace, blessings and big celebratory ? of your choice,
Michelle ;-P

5/27 - Day of Frustration

Well, I've been waiting for weeks to get really angry at someone about this and you are lucky you were nowhere around today. Ive been waiting 3 weeks to see this surgeon my gastro referred me to - arrived on time with Dan to my appointment - and the doctor NEVER showed up!?! We waited over 45 minutes and kept being told he will be here any minute. I pitched a hissy - screamed out the van window on the freeway home and feel MUCH better now. THEN an hour later, I found out the CT Scan we hand-delivered to my oncologist isn't even MINE?!? I get to straighten that out tomorrow and with the HIPA issues, somebody is going to get a good chewing out... Is the world full of morphodite nincompoops? Doesn't anyone realize we're dealing with CANCER here?

If I wasn't reassured before I am now SO GLAD we took proactive steps to seek an independent (and cute) surgeon and (highly proven and capable) oncologist instead of waiting around some more. I have a PET SCAN on Friday at 10 and then we are going to get my mom a turquoise bedazzled jeans jacket to match her 1954 Bel Air... retail therapy works wonders... I may have cancer, but it doesn't have me!

So the next steps are PET scan Friday (which looks for rebel cancer cells from hair follicles to toenails), surgery prep 6/2 and 6/3, check in for surgery at 10 a.m. 6/4 and you should hear from me again about the time of Joe's 13th birthday on June 8. We have a bet going if he will hit 6' by then; he's 5'11 3/8" now...

Peace and blessings - the tumor is toast in 8 days!!!
Michelle

Past entries since 5/11/08

5-23 This is the chain of events, thoughts, bad jokes and musings that followed my “routine colonoscopy” that wasn’t. We discovered a tumor in my sigmoid colon and started preparations to treat and remove it. I process difficult situations by writing and with humor and kept my support group apprised as follows. When email got too cumbersome, I converted to this blog with the most recent entries first. As I get closer to surgical date 6/4, the posts may temporaily be interrupted. I’ll get back to it when time and energy allow.

5-11 BRA Chix unite!
First and foremost - HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY one and all... appreciation is good, but it doesn't get the laundry done or the floors clean. I'm still taking the afternoon off!

Hey, the wedding is finally here! This week will be crazy on more than one count. Joe is changing schools next year and his visit/assessment is this week at Federal Way Public Academy. Next year will be crazy with kids at 2 schools again, what am I thinking? Work, kids, getting beautimous for the wedding, errands, etc. The house is going to be tossed for a while ;-)

Now for the crappy news.... literally, (warning: I deal with bad situations with bad jokes and puns. You were warned.) I had a colonoscopy Friday and there is a 4-5 cm mass in my sigmoid area (the bend in the end). The doc who performed the colonoscopy took biopsies and said it is "most likely malignant". They usually say "it doesn't look suspicious", so we are a little freaked. I have a CT scan Tuesday which will tell us much more about involvement, whether it is contained, we are looking for not metastised would be the good news here, etc. and what exactly is camping out in my rectum. I will have it removed the Tuesday after Memorial Day. (The weekend in Ocean Shores is ON - L, I NEED it more than ever! As a welcome distraction, if nothing else.)

So, prayers, support, warm, fuzzy thoughts, rosaries, incense, crass jokes about my ass, will get me (us) through this. I feel OK physically, anxious, scared, depressed, bad that this hits on the wedding week and yes, after much internal debate, I did tell Denise. My mom is FREAKING because her frame of reference is that her brother died of stomach cancer 8 weeks after his diagnosis in 2002, and she worked in a cancer center for 18 years where she only saw the REALLY sick folks. Not a good frame of reference either way. My dad is more like Dan. Wait and see what we have and how we can solve it. At least he's not on my front porch with his welding torch, so that's a good thing.

The biopsy should be back by 5/19 at the latest. Tumor is out on the 27th/28th whatever the Tuesday after MD is and the CT scan is Tuesday. My family is going with me for all both. Dan is OK with it in his usual way of let's wait and see what comes back on all tests before we start over reacting. Deal with what you know and don' t fret. Easy for him to say it's not his butt! But he is being supportive and taking care of me. Boys know I had a colo and sent some things to lab, but that's all they know for now.

If it turns out to be nothing or something easily removed, we'll be thrilled and it will kick me in the butt to change eating and exercise habits. Can I scratch 2008 as the year of crappy health scares and get on with it? I need to renew my warranty or do a trade in on two 20 year olds... not that Dan could afford nor would he know WHAT to do with them, but I'm sure he'd enjoy trying.

Let me know if you have questions, or if you think of questions I should ask Monday, that's good too. I'll be around Sunday afternoon. Taking Joe to a Cake concert Sunday evening.

Peace and Blessings,
Michelle

5/13 -Had CT scan today and learned something. Make a follow-up appt. w/ your doc as soon as you leave a test. It will put a STAT on your results. My next appt. is at 9:00 5/20 to go over all results, questions, etc. and see where we are. Which gives me a) a plan of action and b) a deadline and c) a reason to put it away for a while, enjoy my sister's wedding and deal with it on Tuesday. I'll give more info. when I have it.

Now I get to deal with insurance tomorrow... that requires a whole different set of cuss words...

The Serenity prayer is the prayer of the day - ACCEPT what I cannot change...

Peace and Blessings,
Michelle

5/15 - Still "cracking" jokes, must be a good sign.

First, the bad - the biopsy is positive. So the tumor in my butt is malignant, cancer, etc. OK, digest that, because it gets better quickly.

1) the blood test CEA to look for more tumors in my body came back normal - this is the only one and it most likely has not gone anywhere else - that's what that means.

2) I get the tumor out 5/27 and I'm going to ask for it in a ziploc bag so I can whack the h*** out of it with my shoe!

3) I have asked for no more results until my appointment on tuesday to review EVERYTHING.

4) Only you and Dan know the biopsy is positive. No family members will know until after the wedding Saturday or Tuesday. I've overshadowed my sister's day enough and this is my choice. All know about the blood test and were very releived to hear that.

5) The boys will be told Sunday afternoon that I'm having something removed after Memorial Day. If there is a necessity for further intervention (chemo/radiation), we will tell them then. They will know the whole situation after the fact.

6) If you have not yet done so, pay attention to your bowel habits and get any change thoroughly checked out. The prep for a colonoscopy is nothing compared to the stress of this week - not knowing. The colonoscopy procedure was no big deal and the CT scan was no big deal.

7) Farrah Fawcett has colon cancer - and is still kicking it in the scandal sheets. Not the first thing I want to have in common, but hey.

8) I have a really bad sore throat today - unrelated to all else - so phone is not a good idea if I want to be able to toast my sister. I can croak and listen. Email is better.

Still waiting for those good butt cracks...

5-19 email to Bunko group.

I'm sure the gossip lines have been buzzing, so I'll clue you all in on the facts. I don't have Suzanne's current email, so if I've skipped anyone and/or someone can forward to her, I would appreciate it. Take a deep breath and get your drink of choice, I'll tell it fast like a bandaid and it won't hurt long.

The friday before Mother's Day, I went in for a colonoscopy after some unusual bowel symptoms. The scope revealed the problem is a 4-5 cm malignant tumor in the sigmoid area of my large intestine. I am scheduled for surgery to remove it 5/27. We have had a CT scan to see if any other organs are involved and will go over those results with my gastroenterologist tomorrow. On Thursday, I meet with the oncologist for a second look at all results to make sure we are on the right track. The blood test looking for other cancer cells came back normal, so we THINK we caught this early enough to be able to confidently say all will be well. I will know more later this week and after surgery. Radiation and chemo have not been mentioned at this point. The boys, including Dan, are doing well. I change moods from minute to minute.

Now for the good news, my family was able to set this development aside and celebrate a great wedding in fabulous weather Saturday for my sister. Glad it is over, but it was good to have the happy diversion last week while waiting for all test results. I'm not making any social commitments, including BUNKO, until I know further what my diagnosis/ prognosis is. I'm on medical leave from work through the end of May (and beyond as long as I need to be off).

Prayers are appreciated. Questions will be answered as time/mood allows - as detailed as you are comfortable with. We need to be made aware of what is not normal, so we can properly seek care. The first thing I need to do is get over the cold I've picked up so we can complete the surgery ASAP.

Peace and Blessings,
Michelle

5/19 1) The cold is on the way out.

2) The CT scan shows no other organs are affected and no other lymph nodes are affected!!!

3) The appt on 5/27 is only a consult with the surgeon?!. I am working on getting the actual surgery to get it OUTTA THERE arranged this afternoon. If my mom's doc on Thrusday can get me in with his guy, I may do that. Still depends on the status of my cold. Most likely a small section of my colon 5-7cm will be removed and reattached eliminating the hairpin turn near the end. I need to confirm with surgeon on 5/27 - still no idea on nature of surgery, in vs. out pt., etc.

4) We are all very relieved and I am eating well, taking echinacea and vitamins to be strong for whatever comes next. Plan to take a nap as soon as the boys are home; I didn't sleep well last night.

5) Many thanks for all prayers and positive energy from all divine sources

6) Purchase your favorite beverage of choice and we will open and have a virtual party when I get clean bill of health.

St. C - I'll bring the champagne... Lucy will bring the OJ!

Joke of the day - I may have already shared, if so, ignore - If you have part of your colon removed, do you then have a semi-colon? <<>>

Peace and Blessings,
Michelle ;-P

5/22 - Met with oncologist and we are going to be doing a LOT of tests to make sure no other cells are hiding - MRI, PET CT Scan, genetic test to see if this is enviro/gene, etc. Surgery is tentatively 6/4 - may move earlier by a day if possible. The surgeon is CUTE, and surgery will be at Northwest Hosptial (unless Auburn can get me in sooner). Please do not press to visit at Northwest, I will be there 3-5 days (I may change my mind by Day 4) and need time to heal. I will be home-bound and on liquid diet for the next week or two after that. You know what I know at this point.

Priorities for May/June:

1) Keep the boys lives as normal as possible.

2) Get this puppy outta here and get/keep me healthy.

3) Find out if next steps are necessary.

4) Heal, laugh, love, show gratitude, pray, LIVE!

I have had numerous offers for help with "Whatever". I will let you know if when and how you can help in the coming weeks, as soon as I know; it will probably be APB email requests and first responder gets it. If you have something you particularly like to do - clean bathrooms, laundry, give manicures or facials, entertain boys, p/u from school, grocery runs, etc., let me know and I'll put you on the list for your duty of choice.

I think we will be OK for meals. If you are making something that can be frozen and want to make 2, so be it. We are going to be moving slowly toward vegetarian cooking in the coming months and Dan gains peace from cooking, so boy foods would be the best - lasagna, pasta, tater tot pie, things we shouldn't eat but the younger set loves (sneak in some healthy stuff they won't detect.)

Peace and Blessings,
Michelle

5/22 - Dan's having a rough time with this today. I was filling him in on the course of the day and when I said, the boys know I have cancer, but I'm OK so far, he crumpled, he'll get back to being objective soon, but I think he just "hit the wall of reality." We both did. He was fine until I said it out loud.

He's busy editing wedding photos and we'll watch a comedy show tonight. He took about 500 shots and plans to have them posted by the weekend or early next week.

Peace and Blessings,
Michelle

5/23 – Brain MRI today at 3:45. I’m sure they will find one, a brain. We are looking to make sure no rebel cells are camping out in my gray matter. Should be an hour of fun and feeling like I’m whacking around in a really noisy washing machine. Denise gave me a good tip – ask for a towel to cover your face and you won’t see anything to trigger claustrophobia. Glad I have tropic Australian beaches to recall in my imagination, I’ll just imagine a large helicopter is hovering nearby, launching nekkid skydivers… and the bar is serving my beverage of choice… a vivid imagination is a terrible thing to waste/mind.

5/24 – 5/25 ESCAPE TO OCEAN SHORES with Lucy to rest, relax, get massages, get dolled up and go to the casino to blow $40 in 30 minutes, throw rocks at seagulls, fly a kite, eat too much salt water taffy and fudge, the usual…

Escape recap… we relaxed, walked on the beach, shopped a little, gambled a little, ate too much and ended up ahead in our winnings. On Sunday morning, we played the slots after breakfast and started out with $40. I ended up cashing out at $122 and when Lucy was down to $4, we put her ticket in my machine and got her back up to $48 in about 8 spins! Made us laugh like a couple of lunatics, and we were sober! We quit while we were ahead and spent some on saltwater taffy to bring home. The plus side is I didn’t wallow in health thoughts very often all weekend, but I did have a very symbolic dream.

Dream: I was looking out in our back yard from the living room. Noticed two rabbits in the back lawn. When I glanced toward the fence, I saw a black bear skulking around. He picked up a Virgin Mary statue and shattered it with his paws. I was shooting photos of him in the back yard with Nick nearby. I knew Joe and Dan were in the house somewhere and called for them to come see the bear. Dan came and brought a broom. Joe was nowhere to be found. We moved to the bedroom window and continued to watch as he climbed up the deck and into our house. He trashed our home and Nick and I escaped out the garage to call 911 from a neighbor’s home. The 911 dispatcher laughed at me. When I told him this was serious and gave him our address. Then I called home and Joe answered, he had been reading in his room all the time and didn’t even know there was a bear in the house. Situation normal…

Interpretation: Bear is the cancer (the good news is black bears rarely attack), Virgin Mary is faith (our faith will be tested), photos are tests and scans, 911 is doctors, but I can’t figure out if the rabbits are the boys or my parents or what – the bear completely ignored them. I also can’t figure out Dan with the broom… he hasn’t swept anything for years…

5/26 – Denise and Doug are back to sort through the wedding stuff in my basement, shuffle their gifts home and begin married life, arguing about which wedding gift is too ugly to see the light of day (and I’ll probably get it re-gifted for Xmas 08…) ;-P They had a great time in the San Juans, found two great bed and breakfasts, went whale watching, kayaking, ate too well and that’s all I asked… I don’t go there.

Went to breakfast with the group of gals I call my BRA Chix… we even posed in my bras outside our clothing for a photo to take with me to surgery. The things my pals won’t do for me! With their permission, I’ll post the photo with no names ;-P