Wow, it's Tuesday. Scary, anxious, nervous, wondering what I have forgotten to do... to pass the time and keep my mind of my delectable liquid diet, I've been doing laundry and sorting my underwear drawers. Hey, it's something we never do and it's mindless. Finally got rid of some of those creepies and the ones that you always bury at the bottom of the drawer and only wear on laundry day.
And now, a word to my tumor - you, yes, you, I know you are there and your time is limited. When you are evicted, take any and all of your friends with you. I don't want to see, hear or feel any residual effects from you ever again. I am going to make several healthy changes to make my body a less susceptible host for you. You stay away from my friends, my family and my kids. You have taken enough from us already and I'm through with you. I have in the past and will continue to contribute to research to eliminate you. In the past I sent $ and participated in walks as an insurance policy thinking, "If I walk, write a check, etc., I'll never have to deal with cancer first-hand." So much for that plan.
Yesterday, I was in a funk of what if's I don't even want to enumerate. I had to keep telling myself 95% of what you worry about never happens; it's the 5% you never even think of that blows you out of the water. The positive, strong armored exterior is slipping a bit. It's time to trust someone else to make it right, and I have a hard time relinquishing control and not knowing what comes next. This is the trial of faith. It's still there but there are certain parts of certain prayers I'm struggling with "thy will", "now and at the hour..."
Joe shared at church that he would prefer I not have surgery. Some people were really concerned about this and alerted me. We had a chat about the ramifications of having and not having surgery. What he meant is that he wishes there was an easier way to get rid of this for me - like cutting a really big fart. Me too!
I also had a chat with Nick last night. He seems to be distancing himself from us and I was concerned. His main point was "you'll be closer and not gone as long as when you went to Australia, but I won't get any cool gifts when you get back." True. Just a wiped-out mom for a few weeks.
Dan is harder. We'll chat tonight and tomorrow. He sees me as strong and independent and gets flustered when that image conflicts with his reality. But there are some things that have to be covered, just in case.
OK, back to business. Off to get a relaxation massage and then home to begin pre-surgical processes. Enjoy chewable solid food on my behalf, but don't tell me about it... one more cup of chicken broth and I'll cluck.
Peace, blessings and pray that we hear "we got it all".
Michelle ;-P
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